He didn’t know what he was doing. No matter how many times he walks forward, he didn’t know where he was going. He was stuck in some place where only he exists. That was his feeling when he fell in love with her. He disclosed himself, creating a wall where her feelings stays.
It’s like writing a novel where the ending doesn’t exist. So he chose to leave her, without saying a word that night. He just stared at her beautiful face while sleeping. Before memories flashed before his eyes, he closed them because that could hinder him from leaving. He thought leaving was the right option, it was the only option that exist where there are tons of things they can do for their relationship. But he was enveloped by fear, he fears the future, he can’t see the future that she has for both of them. He can’t keep up with the act of happiness that he is showing, he was tired of it. He parted her hair and asked himself, “Did I give you the love you’ve always wanted?”
It was a question even he don’t know the answer. It’s a big fat lie. He knows the answer, it’s just he can’t bring himself to believe in that reality where they are happy and living peacefully. He was deluded by many things running in his mind that leads him into the abyss of oblivion. Before she wakes up, he left. Bringing nothing but his phone and wallet, he went away. He left to find himself that he doesn’t even know if he can ever find. He didn’t know that the person he left was the person who would guide him to the place that he is searching for, the place where he really is, where his heart is.
She was left there, listening to every step that he takes before he leave the door. She watched him walk away hoping that he will turn back but all she saw was his back blurring as the endless tears block her sight. She looked around and saw his things still intact. Then, she saw the note he left on top of the table in the kitchen. She grabbed it and ran outside the door. Barefooted, she ran like there is no tomorrow. All she cared was for him to come back. She ran and ran and ran, looked here and there, searched high and low but there were no traces of him. It was as if he was engulfed by the darkness before the light could reign back to the sky. Her pace slowed down, knowing that it was impossible to find him. She looked at the sky and knelt down to the ground and cried, she cried loudly that the dark sky took pity on her and let the rain fall from the sky. The rain slowly washed her tears as it tried to take away the pain that continued to grow inside. She watch the writings on note that the raindrops slowly washed away.
“I’ll be back. I’ll find myself. I love you.”